someday?

today.
tomorrow.
today.
tomorrow.
today.
tomorrow.
today.
tomorrow.

and soon yesterday?

anyway.

it'll at least 'be' at some point. whenever. the thing is, sometimes, you must make it happen.
all it takes is a day, or that precise moment when everything just falls right into place so that it may become. most times, when this moment befalls, the catch is that you must make it happen for it to be.

today is that day. i don't know what it is about it. there's just.. something in the air. i'm not afraid of it. in fact, i'm thriving on the feeling. it's almost like a new found hope? i just.. believe.
i believe i can do things today, no matter what i'm confronted with. even temptation. such as that one cookie, that muffin, all that food - no problem. i've re-discovered "mind over matter." in other words, i'm back on my diet, and feel damn good about it. i've realized how much i want this. SO much. the desire exceeds all, so that i can't even look at those foods i've been eating for weeks now. it's really horrible how off-track i've been. i've been using so many excuses, and have thought so low of myself that i just couldn't care to take care of myself - mind and body.

i need to do this for me. i WILL do this for me. someone has told me recently that i should be more vain. i was surprised that i found myself agreeing with her, wholeheartedly agreeing, even though i usually cannot bear to put myself first. i've sought to please others for years... but from now on, i must succumb to some of my selfish thoughts. i must give my opinion value, as well as give value to who i am. there will be no need for the constant paranoïa pertaining to judgment. really, as for who i am, i will be the ultimate judge. any unjust judgment from an outsider will only cause me to judge their own character. in the end, it is detrimental to their own image rather than my own.

i suppose the biggest realization of the day is that i do actually like myself. i really do. if i isolate myself from the world and all of its presumptions and preconceptions, all of those norms...
i like myself.
we are all beautiful in our own way,
we are all intelligent in our own way,
we are all talented in our own way,
and we are all our own unique individual with a story, living in a world of misunderstanding.
i wish we could move beyond the constraints of appearances, and really perceive.

who knows if
one day will come, and it will just happen.
that's all it would take.
one moment,
and it would be.