ready, set, don't go.

early edge of december,
just hanging precariously.
gathering myself (can'tleaveanybehind),
just getting ready and taking aim.
itching-inching for homebase below (can'tleaveitbehind),
just knowing gravity is on my side.

hoping it's my good side.

Four Exams.
one Take-Home.
the Almighty Examinations. they can't be avoided.
which kinda sucks, i must admit. especially said "Take-Home." nothing but lies, more like "Keep-Me-From-Home." it's just another frikkin' essay, 6 to 8 pages long. as if she hasn't yet drowned me.. i'll never forget that last one (15pages,wha?). but really, i don't care.. as long as it turns out. if i play my cards right, everything should fall into place, and i will feel as if i have the right to return (homeorhere). procrastination must be eliminated so as to set myself up for success(no,homehomehome).

and yet i'm almost afraid to go back. sometimes, i rather immerse myself in this work than even think about going back. i would much rather run. away from having to visit to face to cry to realize realize realize realize NO
NOTHING.
nothing to realize, because change doesn't doesn't doesn't does but don't.
funny how sometimes i long for that realization.
if you'd just realize what i just realized, we'd never have to wonder
maybe that fear is why no one ever does.
something to be overcome by, and to overcome.
i'm still in the middle stage, shifting from one to the other, hoping i can find that balance?
or just hoping i can grab something solid before i let go.
i guess i won't find out unless i do.
so it's back to the game.
just gottagottagottaget home.