from this moment,

rewind,
more or less.

and i'm back at the beginning.
dawned on me
yet again

that i'm the source of all troubles. thus, to eliminate troubles,
i must take that leap and
change.
in the next few days, i will become a hermit. because to begin, i must dive into my depths and pull myself out of this (andthatseaofessays).
acknowledge who i am, accept who i am, all over again. those episodes have become few, and i am glad. as powerful as they may be, i will not let them get me. i'm the one in charge of this life, and the only one who can make it work. i will diminish their frequency and their stronghold. because life really is short (likeme)
and whether i have time or not,
i will make it as great as i can.
i will do it for me.
not for anyone else.
for me.
because i do matter. you can't fool me, oh cruel world.
i really do.

never,
never stop
climbing out of that hole. and once i'm out, from that first hair to the last toe nail, i'm going to fill it with concrete. because no one should ever fall into something like that. ever.
and when i'm out,
i will run (comewithme?)
and never,
never look back.

and after those crucial hermit days, i plan to live on campus
indirectly.
when i will study, i will spend my days in the library, the Student Union Building, in a residence (anywherebutinthere)
when i will live (reallylive), i will spend my days with living breathing interchangeable people.
i will no longer be confined to this makeshift little world of mine (justanotherisland)
i will laugh along with old ties (foreverandalways)
i will ride the tide of change and discover reality
i will find those things that make me happy (theysurearen'tlookingforme)
i will reach for opportunity.
i will.

i don't know how i will get there
but there is no won't about it.
from here and now
i know this will end.